Skinny Bunny Cleanse - Day 2

First off... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (In Italy if your reading this in the US)

Weight this morning: 202.8
Doing pretty well but have been tempted all day... Making myself a separate breakfast than Nate and him tempting me with all the noms he was eating before we went to my friends New Years Eve party. Oh Lord not eating anything at that party SUCKED! I wanted to eat everything sooooo badly. This is the most self control I have ever had. I so badly wanted to just eat a cupcake and tell myself "It's okay just start over next week" but I had to remind myself I am not only doing this to lose weight I have to do this for my health as well.

Today has been quite a struggle. Anyone that knows me know I LOVE food! OMG I will devour some food... I'm kind of a food addict I guess you can say.  This is gonna start getting deep.

When I was younger, like junior high and high school I was pretty self conscious of what I ate even though I wanted more. My mom would tell me all the time (she still does) that I am fat. Might I add my mother is a 4'10" little Laotion lady.. Yeah of course she would be skinny and me being mixed because my dad is American I'm more curvy. I was never fat as a kid I was pretty small.. well more lanky when I was in junior high then I got boobs and a booty in high school. So you can see why I at the age was pretty self conscious of my body, I think every kid is at that age. I kind of developed an eating disorder at that age where I would hardly eat anything but when I was hungry enough I would binge eat and after I did I would feel horrible about it and starve myself again. After high school I would eat but I was also still doing the same but not as bad, until after I got out of a really bad relationship and was trying to find myself again. At this time I was in cosmetology school so I cut off all my hair and began smoking. None of my parents knew I did smoke but I think my dad suspected it. At that time in my life I was going to school full time and working full time.. I didn't really have time to eat so I took to smoking and drinking coffee with an occasional baked potato or salad from Wendy's. Then I met/reunited with a guy that I dated in high school after him a packed on a few pounds near the end of that relationship because I had gotten pregnant but lost the baby at 10 weeks. That relationship ended because of various things that I won't get into.. That door doesn't need to be opened again. After that I went into a depression and ended up in the hospital, not something that I really talk about. I had to find myself over again, this time I took to just being care free if you say. I was smoking again and also going clubbing every weekend starting Friday nights and ending Sunday mornings. I had lost a bit of weight. Then I met my husband, got married and comfortable, (I also stopped smoking, I'll sneak some every so often but I always tell Nate about it.) and packed on the weight... especially when he was in Korea for a year. I took to comfort eating, my friends knew I was packing on the weight but how do you tell someone they are getting a little heavy when their husband is in another country for a year? So I ate my feelings to the point where I was 140 all the way to when Nate got back and we were getting ready to uplift my live and move to Italy at 175 pounds!

Italy, oh country of tasty carbs is where I gained another 40+ pounds. I packed on the most weight here. I think a mix of missing home, eating out, Nate's work trips, and being in denial of my weight gain, I turned to my beloved friend and comfort food. Earlier this year was an attempt to my weight loss that didn't go as planned I was doing well I had lost around 10 pounds. Then I went stateside and gained it back and my ankle issues didn't help. I guess in a way this blog will help keep me honest and hopefully keep me motivated.

Sorry for a long rant but I figured that I might as well get my weight issues out in the open if I'm gonna help myself.

No more denial!
xx- Jay